Venting....

Call it hormonal, call it having too much time on my hands (5 weeks off from work!), but today I engaged in a self-pity party regarding baby's late arrival! Again, I think it stems from this emphasis we make on the 'due date'. And in reality, first time mothers and many other women do not delivery on time. But it still doesn't stop me from feeling inadequate. I feel like something is wrong with me, like my body doesn't know how to delivery a baby the proper way! I know it's silly but I still feel that way.

I also feel frustrated because I feel like I've been such a good sport these past 10 months! (yes its been 10 months for me). I guess I felt like I would get some sort of 'pregnancy karma' or early pass for having such a good attitude. I walk twice a day for 20-30 minutes, eat good, and follow Dr's orders. Other friends and family I know that were pregnant recently bitched and moaned half the pregnancy and about possible being induced. Turns out, NONE of them delivered as late as me and none were induced! And I am both :( I know the end result is hopefully a healthy, happy baby boy. And that is truly all that matters in the end, I know that. Like I said, I have been good this whole time and I just felt like having a tantrum I guess!

ANYWAY, enough with the whining! One thing that has made me feel better lately though is knitting! I am in a knitting club with my friends and coworkers. We meet every other Friday and just work on projects, drink wine(well not me yet) and chit chat. My dad taught me to knit years ago, but I only knew one stitch and was curious to learn more. It has been so great to learn from others firsthand new stitches and ideas! I can't wait to make baby Mark stuff and blankets for my friend's babies! Here is a pic of a scarf I just finished, modeled by Miss Bella:

We'll be parents by the weekend!

Sooo I don't know why I had it in my head I would delivery early! I am now 41 weeks and no baby Mark yet! However, I have an induction scheduled for tomorrow afternoon so the wait will soon be over :) So I thought I'd reflect on my pregnancy before the big day:

How far along? 41 weeks today!

Total Weight Gain: 30 lbs, still don't know where it is hiding though

Maternity Clothes: I have 2 maxi dresses I literally live in that I bought at Target last year, they aren't maternity but they are the most comfortable things in the world. I honestly don't know how I would have survived this summer without them!

Stretch marks? None! I guess I'll take him being late to having stretch marks too!

Sleep? Great until about a week and a half ago. Now I wake up every 2 hours from contractions to nervousness to who the heck knows why! But I was really lucky the whole pregnancy so I can't complain

Best moment this week: My girlfriends came to visit me Monday and we hung out and laid by the pool. It helped me to get my mind off things and put me at ease.

Movement: His kicks and punches are so hard for me to feel lately! There is just no room so I just feel a push or roll here and there.

Food Cravings: I didn't really have any- just that my love for sweets was amped up!

Gender: Team BLUE!

Labor Signs: Hmm some of them I just won't mention here haha! As of last Friday I was 3-4 cm dilated and 70% effaced. According to my OB his head is super low and it will only take a few pushes for him to come out- I hope she is right! I am having a lot of cramping all day long, but like 10-15 min apart.

Belly Button-in or out? Ugh OUT- so not ok and hope it goes back to normal afterwords!

What I miss: Wine, raw sushi, my old clothes, being able to drive myself around outside of town

What I am looking forward to: meeting my son! starting a new chapter in my life.

Weekly Wisdom: I have to agree with my friend Delia's response that people get a little nutty on your due date and afterwards. People are so fixated on the due date, when only 5% of women actually go on their due date! And I can't tell you how many text messages I have gotten that say "no baby yet?!". I'm like, uh no. But really I do appreciate everyone's concern and I KNOW they are just checking in to see how I am doing! So I shouldn't be such a brat....